Adventures in Oil Changes

22 Mar

I could really get into this whole blogging thing.  Whenever I have a story to tell and nobody to tell it to, I just log on and tell it to you – whoever you are! And you know what else makes me happy?  When I hear from you guys!  When somebody tells me that they like my blog, I grin from ear to ear.  Anyway, back to the topic at hand…

So, today, I got off work early because I worked a half-day on Saturday.  And I was so excited to do things for me – maybe a walk in the park, a cup of tea and trash magazines at Northstar, a nap, or whatever.  But, alas, I was not destined to have “me time” today. Ya see, I’m in one of these relationship thingies, and I don’t think I’m supposed to be selfish all the time.

Keithy asked me to get his oil and air filter changed, and since he’s been sick, I decided to be nice.  Just this once.  And let me preface this oil-changing story:  I loathe getting my oil changed.  I’ll even take it a step further:  I loathe anything that has to do with a vehicle – buying one, selling one, repairing a damaged one, and especially maintaining one.  Okay, okay – let me be perfectly honest:  I loathe businesses and industries that are typically run by middle-aged straight men.  I always leave feeling pissed off, hurt, and taken advantage of.  Can I get an Amen?!

Now, I’m not hatin’ on all my straight guys out there – and today I definitely learned my lesson about stereotyping.

I pulled up to the oil change place, and I, of course, was confused from the very beginning.  The front of the store had arrows pointing away from it.  Okay, I get it – you’re the exit.  But where’s the entrance?  One of the straight guys had to come out and help point me in the right direction.  Dammit!  Now he knows I’m just a silly gay boy who doesn’t have a clue, and he’s totally going to take advantage of me and sell me shit I don’t need.

Okay, I made my way to the entrance, and with my guard up and ready to fight, I started to interact with the straight man.  I had rehearsed my speech.  Wanna hear it?  “NO!”.  That was going to be my answer to everything.  Do I want the super-duper-miracle-oil?  No!  Do I want to have them scrub my engine and lick the old oil with their tongues?  No!

But what did the man ask?

Man:  Your air filter is pretty dirty.  Do you want a new one?
Me:  How much is it?
Man:  $21.
Me:  Nah, I can do that myself.
Man:  Okay.  Well, be careful because it’s tricky in this Jeep.
Me:  (getting snippy) I have changed air filters before.  I’ll be fine.

There, I guess I told him.  What kind of silly gay did he think I was?  Of course I can change my own air filter, and they’re only like $8 at the store, right?

Well, I drove around for 30 minutes trying to find the auto parts store, and of course I got lost.  And once I got there, I had to deal with more middle-aged straight guys who thought I was an idiot.  The guy asked what kind of vehicle I had, and then he was off to get the air filter.  He yelled at me from across the store to ask for the air filter code.  How was I supposed to know this?  Was it written on his computer monitor?  Was it something that normal boys would just have memorized?  One of the other straight guys saw my panic and quickly read the code off the screen.  Dammit.

The guy came back with my air filter and then asked if I needed something else.  I’m pretty sure it was in a foreign language because I didn’t understand a word of it.  I gave him a crazy look, and he just shook his head.  Then, he told me my total was $17. $17!  I could have had this damn thing installed for $21!  It was all getting down to the principal of it at this point.

So, I headed outside to try to put this effing air filter in Keithy’s Jeep.  Tobie’s (my Honda) air filter is so easy to install, and this Jeep was looking like a nightmare.  I even had to break out the manual.  And I’m honestly still not sure the damn thing is installed correctly.

I guess in the end, I learned a valuable lesson today.  Not all straight guys are evil douchebags, and pay for the air filter to be installed.



4 Responses to “Adventures in Oil Changes”

  1. EP March 22, 2011 at 6:27 am #

    You crack me up!

    • Bryant March 22, 2011 at 12:29 pm #

      EP! I’m so glad I could make you laugh. =)

  2. Cake Betch March 22, 2011 at 12:39 pm #

    Lol awww Bryant, you’re so cute 🙂

    • Bryant March 22, 2011 at 12:44 pm #

      Hehehehe! Thanks, Tara. I’m more of a mess than anything. I’m going to pull your RSS to my page when I can figure it out!

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