I Dream of Jeni

26 Apr

For real. I dream of her. And not of her delicious ice cream – but her. Oh goodness, I sound like a stalker. But I’m not a stalker, Jeni! I’m just a harmless gay boy who thinks you’re the shiz!

But before I can continue my crazy babbling, I need to fill in some blanks for some of you who may not know who Jeni is. For those of you who don’t live in Columbus, don’t have the innerwebs, can’t get the Food Network, haven’t read Time Magazine, or just live under a rock – let me introduce you to Jeni.

She’s real, she’s authentic, she lives in Columbus, she loves Columbus, she’s smart, and she’s funny. Oh, and she makes the world’s best ice cream. And I’ve never met her.

But get this – I’ve been dreaming about her. And I’m talking dreams that seem so real I could swear they happened!  Nothing crazy happens. We’re not sitting on magic mushrooms; we’re not co-judging American Idol; and we’re not abandoned on a remote island looking for treasure planted by Oprah. We’re just talking like old friends and gabbing about the ‘Bus, farmers markets, and you guessed it – ice cream!

Think I’m nutso yet? Oh, it gets better. So, Keith and I were heading to NYC last Thursday, and we hopped on the shuttle to take us from long-term parking to the Columbus airport. And guess who (I thought) got on the shuttle?! Jeni! I got nervous and sweaty, and I kept rehearsing in my head what I wanted to say to her. Good thing I didn’t ever muster up the nerve. In my hysteria, I texted Keithy to see what he thought. He looked at me like I had just jumped the shuttle back from Promises. And his return text pretty much said the same thing.

My heart was broken. I guess in my head I was just wanting to meet Jeni, so I fantasized that this woman with Jeni-like glasses was the ice cream goddess herself. But alas, it wasn’t. Stupid, Bryant. Why would Jeni be on the long-term parking shuttle anyway?

So, what’s going on with me? Why is my mind playing tricks on me and my subconscious dreaming these I-can’t-believe-they’re-not-real dreams? I have no clue! And if I were to ever really meet Jeni, I haven’t the foggiest idea what I would say! “Hi, I really like your ice cream.” Yeah, what a loser would I be!

Anyway, this is the part in my blog posts when I usually connect all the the threads, make a point, or at least make some type of conclusion. But tonight, none of that is happening. I guess I just wanted to share what’s been on my mind lately.

Damn, when’s payday so I can go get some ice cream?


8 Responses to “I Dream of Jeni”

  1. thekeithmiles April 26, 2011 at 2:23 am #

    One day… when you meet Jeni… she’ll love you… cause how could she not??

    • Bryant April 26, 2011 at 2:32 am #

      Thanks, boo! I feel like she’s in the top 3 that would help fulfill my life: Idina Menzel, Jeni Britton Bauer, and Shania Twain. And Britney, of course. But she and I are like soul sisters, so it’s as if we’ve already met.

  2. Mel B. April 26, 2011 at 2:24 am #

    Haha too lazy to log in, that’s me.

    You are an amazing writer, Bryant. So witty, so succinct. LOL I wish I had the restraint that you have… I definitely woulda gone over to Jeni or not-Jeni and told her how much her ice cream makes me wanna cream… hahahaha. xxooxox

    • Bryant April 26, 2011 at 2:31 am #

      Awww! Thanks, Mel! And you’re pretty snazzy yourself – people went nuts over your guest post! xoxo =)

  3. greengeekgirl April 26, 2011 at 7:50 am #

    If Jeni didn’t have enough sense to love and adore you, I’d probably have to stop buying her ice cream 😉

    • Bryant April 26, 2011 at 12:24 pm #

      I know! It would be like in the movie “Julie & Julia” when Julie finds out that Julia hates her!

  4. thekeithmiles April 30, 2011 at 2:33 pm #

    We need to get her book and the ice cream maker and then do a Bmac/Jeni project where you make an ice cream a day or week or whatever and you document it. Then a reporter will read the blog and then call and ask her about it and she can say “I think it’s disrespectful” and you’ll cry BUT then at least you’ll know she knows who you are and that’s a step closer to your soul sister!

    When do we start?!

    • Bryant April 30, 2011 at 2:34 pm #

      This is a FANtastic idea! This is one of the many reasons why I love you.

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